dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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