bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
