You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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