Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
dude. I can hear the air.
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