You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
