just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
