Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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