Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
