The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
