There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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