i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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