I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
BRING THE BAGELS
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
