you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
