youre lurking in front of me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
