Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
