I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
