Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
