To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
