why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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