I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
