He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
