I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
