ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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