I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
