And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize