Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
