drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize