i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize