I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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