How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
