But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
