I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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