I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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