I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
