dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
