It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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