When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
