Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
