Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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