you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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