Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
