I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
True strength comes from lack of pants
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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