Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
