I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
