i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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