He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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