It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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