my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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