worst night to have a conscience
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
