i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is Oprah even human
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
