i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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