I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Jerry, you need to find god
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
