Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
