When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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