I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The adults are the big ones right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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