I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
