just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
