Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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