Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
