it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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