I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you never un-have a 4some
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
