new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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