Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
