dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
