Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
