This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
