when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
